What Turns Women On!
Some Research Into What Attracts Women Sexually In Men
This material is the product of research into 200 women, who responded to a questionnaire about what they find attractive in men....The main groups of responses were (click on the link to go to that section):
"Here's a bit of background first," says Joanna who lives in Scotland. "I'm twenty-four and Mike, my husband, is twenty-two. We just got married last November though we lived together as husband and wife two years before that. We love each other a lot and didn't really need to get married to prove anything - just for formalities and legality. We have a fairly open marriage; that is, it hasn't been put to any strain yet, but we both agree that we are perfectly free to do what we want. I have had an old lover when Mike was away and it was not important. I do get turned on by a man's physical appearance. There is a certain type of man I find very attractive. He has a hard-to-describe certain softness in the face-not feminine. Masculine, yet tender. And not skinny. Being fat myself I like well-built men. And, of course, a bulging cock in his trousers - and huge balls - always makes me get sexually aroused. Yes, appearance does matter initially, but I can love a man, once I know him, who is not good-looking."
One of the things that
has faintly surprised me is the large number of women who claim to be aroused by
the bulge in a man's trousers. Clearly, this was appreciated by fifteenth,
sixteenth, and seventeenth century males who wore the codpiece, to accentuate
and decorate the genital area - and perhaps draw the woman's attention and her
imagination to the genital bulge. Women are visually stimulated, and just as
interested in what might lie beneath men's clothes as are men interested in
women's bodies - they just look more discreetly!
But surely one of the most attractive things for a woman is a man who knows how to treat a woman in bed?
Maxine, who is English, twenty-four, and single, says, "A man's physical appearance does matter to me. He must look clean and be smartly dressed (or at least neatly dressed). The tighter his trousers the better, so that it is possible to see the outline of his penis. I'm also aroused when I see a hairy body - not too much though, because that has the opposite effect. In fact you could say that my whole attraction to a man is physical - it certainly was to my husband! Whether or not I want to make love with him, I was always thinking of having his child. For me, pregnancy was the time when I was most feminine, most powerfully female, and most able to enjoy my body. I felt so sexy, it turned him, and me too, and we made love almost every day all the way through my pregnancy in a wide variety of sex positions during pregnancy which made us both as horny as hell!"
Doreen, twenty-four, heterosexual, upper-middle-class English family, university education, getting married this year, says she is "Very, very happy about sex. To sleep with a man I need to have a lot of female and personality qualities catered for. So I like big shoulders and strong arms to protect me, and sensitive, gentle, clean hands to caress me, and a mouth that smiles readily to amuse me. But to react purely sexually I get more basic. Narrow hips and hard buttocks, with tight trousers and the cock and balls worn proudly, will turn me on, even for men whom I otherwise regard as weak......"
Carol is forty-six and lives in Washington, D.C. She is married but her marriage is breaking up. "During the past year while I was discovering my sexuality, he was losing whatever sexual power he had. Until recently I would not have admitted that a man's physical appearance arouses me sexually. I had always been taught that nice girls do not react that way to a man. When I did react that way to a boy or man, I repressed my feelings because they made me feel like I was being bad. In the past year or so, I have changed a lot, and now I can accept the fact that some men's physical appearance does arouse me sexually, without feeling bad about it. The first thing I notice about a man is his general build and the way he carries himself . . . . The next thing . . . I also notice his eyes . . . . If I like a man's face I look more closely at his body. The more athletic his body looks, the better I like it. Most of all I notice his legs. If they look strong, and if some of the movement of his leg muscles shows through his pants as he walks, it probably means that the rest of his body is in good shape, too. That does not mean that I like men with big, bulging muscles. Men like that always seem a little queer to me. It is still rather embarrassing to admit it, but the one place I do look for a bulge is in front of a man's pants. I am curious about what size cock is producing that bulge. That does not mean that the bigger the bulge, the more I like it. It means that I think it's sexy for there to be some bulge showing there." if he has ay degree of emotional problems, then a man who sorts it out proactively with something like eft tapping techniques would be my first choice of lover!
Jan says, "I am twenty-three, single, a university student, American, good-looking, strictly heterosexual, very liberal, and well-travelled. I first had sex at sixteen. I have never had sex for money. Sex for me has usually been out of desire, a few times out of compassion for the guy, and a few times out of curiosity. I have had sex with 70 men; 61 were white, 7 were black, and 2 were Orientals. Of the 69 men, 24 were American, 16 Canadian, 4 Italian, 10 Spanish, 5 British, and one each from Poland, Jamaica, Switzerland, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Cuba, Colombia, Germany, Morocco, Austria, and the Philippines. As you see, I keep a diary. My sex partners have all been under thirty. For several years now I have never even accepted dates from guys that I would not be willing to consider as sex partners. Physical appearance is important, both clothed and unclothed. I cannot be excited by a guy who is not clean. My sexy male would be over five feet nine inches tall, shaggy hair, preferably black; clean swimmer's build, and would be wearing a sweater and rather tight pants. A good-looking guy dressed that way would catch my eye and arouse my sexual feelings by sight alone. Tight pants on a guy with a hint of good penile endowment are stimulating to me. Unclothed, two more aspects can arouse me: hair - pubic and chest hair is exciting and large penis is most stimulating visually. A smaller penis can be quite stimulating in action. But the sight of a large cock on a guy is sexually arousing in itself."
Meg doesn't give her age, but she lives in London.
In answer to my question, "Are you sexually roused by a man's physical appearance?" she replied simply, "If I can see a big cock and balls in his trousers."
Sheila is thirty-two, married for seven years, and with her husband and two children lives in Newcastle, England. She says she has always been turned on by slim, very dark males.
"Jet black hair on the head and belly against a dark olive skin arouses me at first glance. Maybe this is because the first boy I ever saw completely naked, when I was fifteen - he was sixteen - was my Spanish sister-in-law's brother. He had thick black shiny hair on his head, and the hair covering his belly was a mass of lovely black curls. His skin was almost the color of olives. Skin of this color nearly always shines like silk. It's much smoother and sensuously sexy to stroke than any other colored skin.
"I'd never seen a boy's cock or his balls before, but it wasn't they that attracted my attention first, it was his hair and skin. It was only when I realized that I was so turned on that I was dripping wet lubrication between my legs, that I noticed his penis and testicles. He hadn't yet got an erection and his penis was beautifully proportioned, long, fairly slender, the skin of the shaft slightly darker than his body skin, and the skin covering the head was deep purple. It was a very hot day, and his balls hung slack and heavy, and when he moved, his balls and cock swayed from side to side.
"He passed his hand across his face and said in his careful English, 'It is very hot, is it not?' I couldn't answer him, I just nodded. 'Are you coming to swim also?' he asked me. (I've forgotten to say that I had taken him for a walk by the river, and when we had come to a secluded spot, he had begun to take his clothes off.) 'Good,' he said, and dived into the river. I had never been seen naked by a boy before, either. At least, I had been seen by my brother once. He's eight years older than I am. He had come into the bathroom just as I was getting into the bath. He gave me a terrible telling off afterwards for not locking the bathroom door - he is an awful prude. Well, I didn't give being naked here with Felipe a thought either, and began to take off my clothes. He was a good swimmer, and I couldn't take my eyes off him, and the water passing over his body was more exciting still. By the time I was naked I was bursting with sexual arousal and desire. I just couldn't help myself. I sat down on the grass and pretended I was taking off my shoes, but with my other hand I masturbated myself, and in about ten seconds I was able to reach orgasm: it was like an explosion, I was trembling from head to foot. He shouted to me to go in, and I called back that I was coming, but I couldn't move until the trembling had died down a little. Then I walked into the river, because I didn't want to get my hair wet. 'You are beautiful,' he called. 'Thank you,' I said, 'You are very beautiful too.' He replied: 'I am very pleased you think so.' And what made him all the more attractive in my eyes was the fact that he was such a good lover - there wasn't the slightest hint of premature ejaculation when we went to bed. In fact, he had perfect ejaculation control and knew exactly how to avoid premature ejaculation - which you can see if you click here, so he could fully satisfy me sexually.
"We swam about for a bit, and then lay down in the grass to dry in the sun, because we hadn't any towels. He lay on his back with his eyes closed and I lay not far away, unable to take my eyes off him. I don't know whether he realized I was looking at him or not, but after a minute or two he began to play with his penis, and in seconds, it seemed, he had a hard-on and was rubbing it with his hand. It wasn't very much bigger than when it had been soft, but I was surprised by the change that came over it. Looking back on this incident, I always wonder why I wasn't afraid that he would want to have sex with me....but neither the thought nor fear came into my head.
"Then he opened his eyes and saw I was looking at him and grinned. 'Would you like to do it for me?' he asked. 'I've never done it before,' I told him. 'It is not difficult. See. Do like that.' So I did as he showed me, and he closed his eyes again. Once he told me not to grip his penis so hard. The lubrication poured out of his penis in a continuous stream, which made the skin under my hand smoother than silk. Presently, he began to breathe hard, and his lips drew back from his teeth. Then he let out a loud 'Aah' and arched his back, and the semen shot out, and it caught in the hair in his belly in little pearls, and hung there twinkling. He told me to stop when his cock stopped throbbing. I was all on fire again, and didn't know what to do. I had never had a man take me, a woman, to orgasm during sex or indeed any other way. But he said, 'Shall I do it for you? It is much nicer when someone does it for you? Shall I? I do it with a girl at home. I like it this way, because I do not wish to get a girl pregnant and have sex with her in case we have a baby.' "He put his hand between my legs and grinned.
'Good,' he said. 'You are very wet. You want it, yes?' I nodded, and he began to finger my clitoris, as he leaned over me and sucked one of my nipples. I did not come quite so quickly this time, and he didn't seem to know I'd reached orgasm. I was going to tell him when I felt the sensations building up again. I didn't take his hand away until I had come another three times. 'Was it good?' he asked. 'Oh, yes!' I said. 'I was right, you see. It is much better, isn't it? Shall we do it again tomorrow?' 'If you like,' I said. But we didn't do it again the next day. We never did it again, because during the night the weather broke, and the day after that he went home. He didn't come to England again for three years, by which time life had changed. I'd begun masturbating just before I was twelve, and I used to do it nearly every day. After Felipe went home, I did it several times a day, and every time I used to picture him, and it was so vivid, it was as if he was there with me. One day I reached orgasm fifteen times.
"By the time Felipe came to visit us again, I was no longer a virgin. (I was working in the town and had my own flat.) The first time I had sex it was with Roy, a nice boy, with black hair, but his cock was not so thick as Felipe's, and his skin wasn't so dark either. We used to make love about once a week. I had fitted myself up with a diaphragm as I wasn't sure about the Pill, and I wasn't afraid of getting pregnant. Roy's techniques were not too bad for a novice, but I never knew how to have an orgasm with him, though we were together for nine months.
"Then Roy went away, and we didn't meet very often, so I formed a relationship with Peter. He was one of the handsomest men I've ever seen. He was brunette and though the hair on his head, under his arms, and his pubic hair were very thick, he hadn't a hair on his chest, and there was a sort of down on his belly. He was only about five feet nine inches, but he had a magnificent penis even when it was soft, and very big and heavy balls. When he had an erection his penis was just over seven inches long, but it was so thick that, honestly, I couldn't take it in my mouth. When he came in me, my god, I knew it with the power, noise and force of his orgasm. He was seven years older than me, and he'd been around a bit. He really did enjoy making love and he was so damn' sexy!
"Yet I had the same trouble with him. To say he gave her an orgasm every time we had sex is probably an overestimate, because there were many times when I never had an orgasm, though I could actually feel his penis doing something to my clitoris. I would get to a certain point, and seldom get beyond it. Peter and I stayed together for nearly two years, having it off about twice a week. Then one day he asked me to marry him. I said I would think about it. He said no, he wanted an answer on the spot. So I said no. I never saw him again, except occasionally in the pub. He soon got shacked up with another girl, whom he eventually married. He had a really glorious body, and yet it never really turned me on.
"I had the opportunity of shacking up with another boy soon afterwards, but I thought I would wait a while. Then my sister-in-law told me Felipe would be visiting us again, and I decided to wait the two or three months until he arrived, just in case he wanted to make love to me, and this time properly. Truly, I cannot describe what I felt when I watched him undressing. He had grown quite a bit, and filled out, and, as I recalled it, his penis was bigger, too. The hair all over his body was thicker than ever, and it seemed that his skin was darker and silkier than I had remembered it. He wasn't so expert as Peter, but he didn't have to be. I reached orgasm during sex play. I orgasmed so easily and while he came, I came again and again. So it was, every time we made love. We got into trouble with my brother, because Felipe spent most of his time with me. But my sister-in-law put things right. I think she hoped we would marry. But though sex with him was so fantastic, I knew I wasn't in love with him.
"To cut a long story short, over the next six years I had three or four affairs. I hadn't cottoned on to the fact that I could only truly get turned on by a dark-haired boy with olive skin. One partner was a handsome Swede who had a sexual stamina and an imagination to match, greater even than Peter's. But it was the old story. When we had sex I rarely came off, and he could only bring me off with oral sex now and again, until I discovered that if I closed my eyes, and imagined he was Felipe, it would happen in no time. Well, then I met my husband, Ricco. He's Italian, three years older than me and he part-owns a restaurant. I went in one morning before they were open for lunch, to book a table for dinner that evening with a friend. He was in his shirt-sleeves, and his shirt was open, and peeping through was a mass of the loveliest black curls you've seen. The hair on his head was very thick and naturally wavy, and his skin, though not quite so olive as Felipe's, was beautiful. I was so turned on, I could hardly tell him what I wanted. The only problem was that he had a bad case of high blood pressure, and he desperately wanted to know how to lower blood pressure. I encouraged him to go to the doctor, and it was just as well I did, for we then discovered he had a bad case of high cholesterol as well. the doctor told him that without treatment, he would have undoubtedly experienced erectile dysfunction within a few years, and a heart attack soon after that. Fortunately we worked together on his health and found out how to lower cholesterol. Tis may even have saved his life!
"He wasn't there that evening, but I just couldn't get him out of my mind. Then I started going there regularly for lunch, and in no time at all we were having an affair. The first time, I could have been with Felipe, I reached orgasm so often. But I was aware of a great difference. Ricco is the kindest, gentlest man I know, and above all, thoughtful. Where Felipe had just got down to it, Ricco asked if it was being good for me, was I comfortable, did I like this, did I like that. Even Peter had never been so sexually considerate. I think I fell in love with him that first night, and every time it got better. So when he asked me to marry him, I said, yes, please, quickly! That was seven years ago, and there has been no change, except for the better, in our sexual relationship. There is scarcely a time that we make love when I don't have multiple orgasms. I adore every hair on his body, and square inch of his skin, and I love him for being the truly kind man he is."
This is, of course, a classic illustration of one of the manifestations of human attraction. In the great majority of cases, the initial attraction is physical. Only later does the emotional attraction come into existence, and the two types of attraction together create love, or, at least, the breeding ground for love. I am not convinced by the concept of platonic love. In my view, there must be a fusion of the two attractions before a lasting and meaningful relationship can emerge. It is certainly true that a lasting and meaningful relationship cannot be based on physical attraction only; and it must be equally true that psychic attraction alone cannot secure the survival of a relationship, except in very exceptional cases. Usually when it happens, the sex-drive and libido of both partners is very low. Then the emotional may compensate to some extent for the lack of the physical, sexual relationship.
Sheila's account demonstrates the powerful influence that "imprinting" can have throughout one's life. One's first sexual experience can fashion one's behavior and reactions throughout the rest of life. This is particularly true of the first shared sexual experience, so I urge all young people not to attempt full sexual lovemaking until they can arrange comfortable surroundings secure from the risk of interruptions, and enough time to make it a relaxed experience. The sex lives of large numbers of men and women have been ruined by their first shared sexual experience being a disaster.