|What Turns Women On!
Some Research Into What Attracts Women Sexually In Men
This material is the product of research into 200 women, who responded to a questionnaire about what they find sexually arousing....The main groups of responses were (click on the link to go to that section):
Men have long believed that most women are no match for them in sexual imagination. Nancy Friday definitely exploded this myth with her book, My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies, and the women in this survey have provided magnificent material to support her thesis.
There is a vast body of evidence, going back for many centuries, that men have fantasized, not only when they masturbate, but frequently when they fuck; there was until Nancy Friday no similar evidence from women.
Kinsey considers fantasizing under three headings - which strikes me as being rather narrow: (i) fantasies concerning opposite sex, (ii) fantasies concerning own sex, and (iii) fantasies during masturbation. The conclusions he reached were that whereas 84 percent of all males admitted to being aroused by fantasies involving women, only 69 percent of females had ever had erotic fantasies about males, 31 percent insisting that they never fantasized erotically at all.
Those women who did fantasize did so infrequently, while the men fantasized more frequently. Homosexual males fantasize about other males in the same numbers as those heterosexuals who fantasize about women, but lesbians are far less numerous, only 28 percent fantasizing with erotic response frequently, 46 percent with some response and 26 percent never fantasized with erotic response.
Seventy-two percent of the total of 93 percent of masturbating males always fantasize when they masturbate, but only 50 percent of 62 percent of masturbating females fantasize every time they masturbate. Put in another way, roughly 69 out of every 100 males always have erotic fantasies masturbating, but only 31 out of every 100 females always have erotic fantasies while masturbating.
Since fantasizing while masturbating is the most frequent use of erotic fantasizing, these last figures give a fair idea of the fantasizing incidence of men and women. Only 9 of the I98 women here never fantasize or deliberately use erotic thoughts as stimuli. This works out at roughly 4 out of every 100 women, as against Kinsey's 69 out of every 100 women.
I don't imagine it all in minute detail. I just have a hazy picture. When she comes, it's really spectacular - screams, the lot. What I like is the bit when I can't ejaculate and sex goes on for ages as I pund into her. They say delayed ejaculation is a problem, but to me, it would be heaven! "
Well, maybe, but if delayed ejaculation strikes, then the answer for a lot of men is to find treatment program which will allow you to ejaculate without delay. You can find more information on that here. Quite a number of the fantasies about endless sex bear no relations to reality, of course, because women do not like sex which lasts longer than ten minutes.
A lot of fantasies concern the sexual partner of the moment, a number concern rape, quite a few involve "bondage" either of the woman or her partner, not often involving sadistic or masochistic acts; a number concern really "exotic" situations, which are worked out in great detail. If you want to study this subject in greater depth, read Nancy Friday's book. Here there is a selection of the more imaginative fantasies sent to me by women.
"I am a harem girl, and I am a private wife of the Sultan, who fits exactly my image of a sexy male. We spend the whole night having sex in his huge opulent bed. Lately I have been having a similar fantasy that is just as good; in the fantasy I am the ruler, the Sultana, and I have a harem of men. The men are always real men whom I know or have seen. This fantasy has much more variety than the first one, because I can imagine having sex with one man after another in many different sex positions. Each one satisfies my desires in a different way. Occasionally I imagine I have harem girls, too, and that these girls have sex with me, too. More often I imagine that I am secretly watching as one of the girls has sex with one of the men."
"Erotic thoughts and fantasies - many. I think of many men masturbating and fucking me at the same time, kissing mouth, breast, clitoris, vagina, anus, and lots of sucking and fucking. I also imagine sex between me and one other female (no one I know) especially cunnilingus with me passive. And cunnilingus with one man who wants only to perform that with me and desires nothing else. Queen fantasies, with many subjects all of whom love me and demonstrate their love by kissing, fucking and sucking."
"I often fantasise about throwing a party for all the men I've ever been sexually attracted to. I would look like a million dollars, sexy dress, etc., and they would, of course, be naked. I'd spend all night arousing them to bursting point one by one, and finish up by using two, to spend the rest of the night in bed with me."
"I only fantasise while I masturbate. I have a number of fantasies. In one, another woman is licking and sucking my vagina. In another, people are watching me while I am fucking, in another a film director is making a close-up of me masturbating as I come, and lastly, I am being fucked by many men, and not able to hold back my pleasure."
"I suppose I need more experience as I'm only sixteen, but mine are quite ordinary, though the effect they have is beautiful. I find that mine are about women most of the time. Thinking about guys is a bit more difficult. When I was thirteen, I used to have fantasies with just me and one other person, usually a boy. It was private, but now I seem to be adding people from nowhere.
My closest friend is a girl of my own age. She's really sexy. You know, one of the girls that mothers hate and fathers encourage you to bring home more often. She's got beautiful long blonde hair, really firm, large boobs, very dark pubes, and oozes sex appeal. She figures in a lot of my fantasies. In one particular fantasy which I have quite often, if I feel like turning myself on without much effort, I am in a threesome - me, her, and the married man she currently fucks, and he's fantastic as well. In this fantasy we are in a beautiful flat, very luxurious.
The floors are covered with fur, there's no furniture, just lots of silk cushions. We all shower together, but I don't want any contact with her, just him. For a while, I do nothing. I just watch as he makes love to her, getting very turned on by just viewing. Then she has an orgasm, but only a very mild one, and he suggests I might have better luck. This is where I get some enjoyment. She reluctantly agrees, and then I get to work. I take the active role, whereas she is passive, very passive. I begin with her head and work down to her cunt. She doesn't do anything much, and only begins to show response when I really concentrate on her cunt.
She goes on: "My fantasies really helped my husband overcome delayed ejaculation. He wasn't able to ejaculate at all when we met, but a few months after he and I had shared fantasies, he came unexpectedly during intercourse in a massive explosion! I am convinced the power of the fantasy we shared was somehow able to liberate him from his inability to ejaculate - and now we regularly share our sexual fantasies. Sometimes I have incestuous fantasies, but for some stupid reason always feel more than guilty afterwards especially if they helped me have really good orgasms. The dream I've just recently started to use concerns my present boyfriend.
He's only seventeen, and until I got hold of him, he was still a virgin. What a waste! He's really beautiful; he looks almost like a girl. Anyhow, I imagine him at a party. I'm there, too, but he just ignores me. He finds some sexy bird and they go off to a bedroom. (See, still very ordinary.) I miss out on all the details, but very clearly I can see him coming and her coming at the same time. It's really agonising for me, because when he and I fuck, I just never come. Then I sort of get into his mind. I can hear what he's thinking and it's pretty nasty. He's comparing me with her, and I get a very low rating. It's a really nasty thing, and I'd hate it to happen in real life, but it does turn me on to think about it."
"My answer to this question could take up many pages. Mainly, I have two themes. The best is this. I am stranded on a desert island, or in a jungle, with a man, black or white, though usually white. He has either been stranded before me, or arrives after me. After two weeks or so of remaining aloof, I agree to share camp with him to help pool resources, or guard against animals or weather or something. I refuse all approaches, pretending I'm naive and don't understand. I realise all along I am tormenting him.
I deliberately bathe in front of him, sunbathe naked and pretend to need massaging due to an accident. I refuse to discuss my past so that he will not learn how sexy I am. After a couple of months, he begins to show signs of strain and to shake when he comes near me. His attentions become annoying. Then he realises I am not menstruating. I tell him that is because I am on the pill and had six months' supply with me. I am, therefore, taking them continuously as I haven't any Tampons, which would prove difficult on the island.
"At this he becomes very passionate, telling me he had only controlled himself for fear I became pregnant. I laugh at him, still ignoring his obvious sexual needs. I continue this for another week. In the end, he breaks down and cries, and begs me to allow him any form of sexual relief, even if just to masturbate while looking at my naked body. I act shocked and disgusted, while all along I feel his pain inside me and revel in it.
Eventually, just before we are rescued, I allow him to caress my breasts but won't let him kiss me, or have sexual contact. We are rescued and he's a physical and mental wreck, and I return to my man, virtue intact and very frustrated for a furiously passionate time in bed. As a variation on this theme, sometimes a native appears on the scene, towards the end of the fantasy and I allow him to make love to me, knowing my compatriot's condition is being made worse as he watches us.
If I am marooned with a black man then I acquiesce straight away, and can't get enough. The other fantasy also involves a black man and girl, with two or three or four of us in bed. (Never more than four.) We are mutually caressing and making love. I am watching my man making love, and am kissing his penis and licking round it as he enters his girl. All the time I am being gently fucked from behind by a handsome, strong man. I do have other fantasies, involving being tied down and having a succession of young men fuck me, until I can't take any more, or I am tempting a young boy to endurance, promising everything and denying everything. This excites me very much, the idea of ruining a young boy's chances for life, by laughing at his attempts to satisfy me sexually."
I am not going to analyze the psychological motivations underlying these fantasies. In fact, I am sure there is no need to spell them out for the last one. The woman is twenty-six only: "I have erotic thoughts and fantasies all the time. I would love to be fucked by a black man. My favourite fantasy is I'm on my hands and knees while the big black man with the biggest cock ever is fucking me from behind and I have another black man also with a big hard cock that I am sucking off. He never comes in my mouth, because I like to watch it shoot in the air, then I lick his penis clean.
Then I like to straddle a big cock and ride up and down while he has another broad sitting on his face and he's eating pussy. This man has trouble reaching orgasm during sex so he can fuck me for ages. Or I'm lying on my back while this stud is fucking me and another is straddling me and sucking me."
"Spanked over my man's knees as correction for being bitchy. I often masturbate to this fantasy or to one in which I'm tied helpless, limbs spread-eagled, to the bed while my man takes his pleasure as he wishes before releasing me and our mutually screwing afterwards. Occasionally I fantasise that I have him tied helpless while I tantalise him, putting off his orgasm until I decide it is time. Fantasies intensify the sexual experience, I have no desire to inflict pain."
I believe that fantasies should always accompany masturbation because they do give meaning to an act that otherwise is purely physical.