What Turns Women On!
Some Research Into What Attracts Women Sexually In Men
This material is the product of research into 200 women, who responded to a questionnaire about what they find sexually arousing....The main groups of responses were (click on the link to go to that section):
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What Turns Women On!
The body of every man and woman is well supplied with erogenous zones which, if properly caressed, bring full sexual arousal. Women's chief erogenous zones are, in order of greatest sensitivity, the clitoris, the labia, and the vagina entrance. Next comes the nipples, but though the majority of women respond readily to stimulation of them by finger and thumb and the mouth (sucking or licking), there are far more women than is realized who find such attentions to the nipples off-putting by being irritating and sometimes downright painful. Strangely, many of these women are highly stimulated if their partner takes the whole breast in his hand and squeezes until it is slightly painful.
The other sensitive zones are the insides and, to a less extent, the outsides of the upper thighs, the perineum - the ridge between the vagina and the anus - behind the knees, the lips and the inside of the mouth, the throat, the nape of the neck, behind the cars, the lobes, the length of the spine, the buttocks (for some, the anus), and the navel. There are not many parts of the surface of the body, then, that are not sexually responsive to caresses of one kind or another, principally with the fingers, lips, and tongue. This being so, unlike the responses to psychological stimuli, responses to physiological stimuli, at least via some of the sensitive zones, makes physiological response universal.
Once again, except for the physiological caresses of the partner which have a direct physical effect, the other two areas of arousal, while being directly physiological, have psychological overtones. This is particularly true of the woman's caresses of the partner, which although physiological for him, have psychologically arousing properties for her.
These were the areas in which I was particularly interested, because they are to be found in men as well as women and because they are an indicator of the development of female sexuality: (i) the touch or feel of certain objects, (ii) a particular caress by the partner, and caressing the partner especially his penis, which produces its physiological responses via the brain.
Well, what does turn women on?
A good communication system in good working between husband and wife brings far more satisfaction than anything else (except good sex! Rhythmic contractions of the muscles of her pelvic floor will go a long way towards ending anorgasmia and confine the use of the frigid to the weather. If he thinks it will help, he will send her to a gynaecologist or an obstetrician to teach her how to use these magic muscles if willing to work at it. Psychiatrists have wasted endless of their own and their patients' time trying to probe into emotional factors for frigidity when all the needed was systematic exercise of her weak PC muscles.
The use of these muscles is a cure for frigidity, the end-product of any number of forces that hurl themselves against happy sex. Fear leads the list, for fear is a vicious spiral which anger, and anger causes fear. Fear of unwanted pregnancy probably causes more malcontents than fear of pain, even when medically selected contraception is regularly employed. Many a woman has experienced sexual pleasure for the first time in life after her menopause, whether it was natural. Fear of disappointment has the same deleterious result. A woman may be afraid she will not attain her climax, and that Interferes with her pleasure.
Recent years loving couples have been the victims of their own good intentions. A great deal of misunderstanding exists because information about woman's sexual desire has been elaborated by men, projections of their own experience. Two goals in marital love have been stated. One is that a successful sexual adjustment is mutual climax. The partners must reach the same distance in emotional outer space at precisely the split second. The sexual countdown must be synchronous and exact, or the whole thing is a damp squib. We can say, as we have said before, dogmatically, that this is not true. As we know, a woman may have one or several orgasms before her husband ejaculates his semen. Any of these physical conditions is susceptible to successful treatment but it should not be delayed. If the distress is allowed to go on too long without attention, the wife may develop a fear of intercourse that persists after the cure is complete, and her husband may have been so reluctant to hurt her that he suffers permanent damage to his self-confidence.
In the absence of any physical cause of frigidity people have tended until quite recently to blame the husband, to charge that he did not know how to make love or else was a selfish character who did not care whether his wife was satisfied or not. This latter allegation undoubtedly still holds water in many instances, but the majority of men nowadays want their wives to share their pleasure but, as we know, fail through sheer ignorance in both partners.
But even a highly developed technical proficiency that follows all the rules is not effective in arousing desire in every woman. Sometimes it has just the opposite result; she does not like his technique and it leaves her cold. She and her husband may have to try a number of stimuli, or combination of methods, to see which ones are effective. Much so-called frigidity is caused when the two partners do not know how or are afraid to explore each other's bodies and learn the many ways of sexual love.
Often the best technique is routinely frustrated by the use of an ill-chosen contraceptive. For instance, a wife becomes intensely stirred until her husband pauses to apply a condom. During that slight delay and distraction her desire subsides markedly and she is unable to re-establish it before the episode is over. Neither partner must permit the wife's rising tide of desire to lapse. It is the husband's responsibility to maintain and increase it, the wife's to concentrate on it completely.
A husband's inexpertness is unquestionably the cause of many domestic disasters, but it is unfair for his wife to expect her husband to bear the full burden. She is the first to realise that their union brings her no pleasure ; she ought to let him know what she likes or dislikes and also proceed herself on the basis of her own sensations and needs.
One particular caress?
I really included this question to indicate to men that they may not know exactly which caress turns their partner on, unless the partner is frank enough (or uninhibited enough) to tell them. I also wondered whether we men might learn about caresses that would never occur to us in a month of Sundays. Every woman of the 200 had at least one caress that never failed to arouse her and cause her to achieve orgasm. For 49 (or nearly 1 in 4) this was manual stimulation of the clitoris, and for 100 (or about 1 in 2) it was cunnilingus. Of the remaining 100, 41 mentioned the effectiveness of cunnilingus but each had, too, one special caress which made them randy, and which, in some cases, could bring them off without direct stimulation of the genitals. Here they are:
"Pushing his prick up my anus." Please be careful if you do this, and watch out for the transfer of yeast cells from the vagina to the anus. This can cause yeast infections of the vagina, or Bacterial Vaginosis. Bad news both! If you want more information about a yeast infection home remedy, then click here.
"Running a finger or tongue along my waist line, down to my hipbones, back to waist, back to hip bones, etc., etc., until I say 'get on with it,' or words to that effect; Any caress he cares to give my body."
"I have three particular ones: I love having my ears eaten. The best part is when the tongue penetrates into the ear. I like to have the part of my neck just about the right shoulder bone bitten and licked. I practically come if my fingers are lightly bitten from the tips to the base and then having my arms bitten up to the elbow."
"Depends who I'm with actually. The guy I want to marry is a fingers man. The guy I almost married was a lips man. I could kiss or merely be kissed by him for ever. My husband-to-be can be so unbelievably gentle with his hands, and so unbelievably patient. The first night we went out, he took three quarters of an hour to work round from behind my armpit, to my nipple along the line of my bra, millimetre by millimetre, yet always moving sufficiently to keep me aroused and so, so gentle. He does the same to me all over the lips of my vagina and inside and out and on and on forever, and I get sexually aroused so very slowly and yet realizing that I can go on rising until eternity, and anticipating, and finally he would plunge in a finger, two fingers hard and go on from there, and/or a special thrill, a sudden twist of the hand so that the wrist bone grates suddenly, harshly against the soft sensitive insides of the tops of my thighs, and I come in a massive climax, with my natural sexual lubrication spurting out of me!"
"I love him to run his hands over and under my ass while we're screwing at the same time that we're kissing."
"The running of his tongue round the inside of my teeth makes me as randy as anything else he can do."
"One particular sexual caress - standing when you are held so close and tight you can feel all the male is blessed with - cock and balls - fitting so comfortably between your legs."
"I love to have my tits played with. I get really turned on when a boy sucks on them. I've only had it done to me twice [she's only sixteen] by the same boy, but I got turned on more than any other time in my life when he got down and did it with his mouth. I came both times without him doing anything else. When a boy does it to me on my clitoris with his fingers, it feels really good, but I don't come."
"When he's fondling my breasts while kissing them, and at the same time making me come manually. It sounds so cold and clinical when typed, but in real life we're anything but!"
"Gentle biting at the back of the neck to either side brings me off on its own."
"My lover caresses and touches every inch of my body, but when he brushes my vagina with his penis, it is the most glorious moment of all his caresses. He knows how much I enjoy this moment and prolongs entrance as long as I can stand it."
"There is no particular caress, unless initial entry can be termed a 'caress.' I think it can, because the touch of his penis at my cunt entrance makes me leap forward towards coming with a big jump."
"He has taught me to love one thing that he does. He makes me stand perfectly still, and then kisses me in the mouth, ordering me not to respond until I must. It's sheer agony, and then all orders and rules go by the board. He has a lover's imagination that I have never known in anyone else."
"Having my breasts and nipples caressed arouses me very much and can soon bring me off. I especially, like to have a man take one of my nipples into his mouth. I could and have spent much time having a man do that to me. Second to that is cunnilingus which arouses me about as much."
"After making love I especially like to lie on my partner facing him and have him caress my back and buttocks. I also like touching my partner's face while making love and have him touch mine."
"Having the area of my clitoris and vagina caressed makes me respond more than anything else. One way of doing that, which is difficult for a man to do, but which I get most pleasure from, is having that area caressed with the top of his penis. If he cannot do that, doing it with his tongue is just about as good."
"Sixty-nine - mutual oral sex - arouses us both on more than anything else. Standing in the shower with the water and soap falling off us is great and also good clean fun." Although most women respond much more keenly than men to gentle stroking and almost require this type of preliminary play to become fully aroused, men also welcome this type of caress. Remember the general principle that stroking with the whole hand generally proves exciting to both parties, while fingertip stroking usually excites the passive partner more than the active one. avoid any body areas which may have physical conditions or problems such as gout - check out this diet for gout which is reputed to help enormously with such problems!
"Occasionally, if I lift my skirt when we are together in the car, he will, in spite of himself (not wishing to be sexually aroused when he can't complete the act) reach over and caress my cunt and later put his fingers in his mouth. (Two other men have done this same thing in the past under the same circumstances.) It's almost as though it were an unconscious reflex action. It excites me almost to the point of coming when he puts his finger in his mouth. Could it be because it indicates an acceptance of my sexuality as no other gesture could do in such circumstances?"
Each one of us has some special preferences outside the more conventional sexual caresses. It is worthwhile spending some time discovering these, always remembering that a caress you give yourself takes on an entirely different and more intense quality when given by a partner. If, therefore, you discover on your own that a certain caress in a certain spot is exciting, you may be sure that the same caress from a partner will excite you even more.
Krystyna is thirty-four, a Swede married to an Englishman, and lives in Sussex, England. "We have a heated swimming pool, where we can swim naked all the year round. We often make love while we are swimming. It's quite surprising the number of different things you can do. Two positions that we use, each of which I find especially exciting and which give me fantastic orgasms. In one I lie on my tummy holding on to the steps, which are at the shallow end. When he kneels down in the water Max's penis is exactly level with my vagina.
So he kneels between my legs and pushes into me, and then puts his hand round and parts my labia. He doesn't touch my clitoris at all. Then we rock backwards and forwards, and the movement of the water over my clitoris is indescribable. It takes a long time for me to come off like this, because the build-up is slow. The only problem we have found is that my natural lube tends to wash away, and sometimes the resulting friction produces a yeast infection.
Building up to orgasm may take more than a quarter of an hour, but all the time there are these superb sensations which slowly get more and more intense, until there is a huge burst, which makes me tremble like a leaf from fingertips to toes. Max always holds out until I begin to tremble, then he brings himself to orgasm and the jerking of his penis inside me makes me tremble even more, and the more I tremble, the more intense my sensations are. I have blacked out coming off like this, which I have never done when we make love in bed or anywhere else. Another way we do it is to go into deeper water, so that Max's feet are firmly touching the bottom and his shoulders are above the water. Then I climb on to his penis and put my legs round his waist, and cross my feet. When Max bends his knees and straightens them, his penis goes in and out of my vagina and as it does so, it makes the water flow under a kind of pressure between my sex-lips and over my clitoris, and this is fantastic, too.
"But most fantastic of all is when we do it at the water inlet. This is in the shallow end, and the water flows in very, very strongly. I face the inlet and hang, on to the sides, then with my knees apart I squat down until my vulva is exactly opposite the end about six or seven inches away. Max kneels behind me and comes into me - these sexual positions are great for fucking.
The underwater jet forces my labia open and plays directly on my clitoris. It also hits the base of Max's penis which doesn't come in me, and joggles his balls about, which he finds very exciting. We both come off very quickly, but I always have seven or eight orgasms, and Max never fewer than two. His second one always takes longer than the first, which is why I have so many more orgasms than Max. But once when Max was particularly randy he had three in about three minutes, and then had two more slower ones. I lost count of mine that time. We had to go and lie on the bed afterwards, we were completely exhausted. But it was a fantastic experience. A man who has control of his ejaculation and knows the art of lasting in bed is a man who most women would prefer as a lover - at least over a man who has no control and ejaculates prematurely before the woman is satisfied during sex.
"Sometimes Allan and Richard come and swim with us, and they like helping us and watching us. Allan and Richard are bisexual, like Max. Sometimes I let them make love to me if they haven't brought their girlfriends with them, which quite often they don't. Sometimes Allan and Richard make love together, and this I find terribly exciting. So does Max. We often sit on the side and watch them. The way Allan and Richard like best for making love, is for them to face one another and put their penises between each other's thighs and thrusting. They say that their penises rub against one another as well as against their thighs, and that's what really excites them.
While they are doing this, they deep kiss one another really passionately. This turns me on, too. Sometimes they sit on the edge of the pool deep-kissing and stroking one another's penises, and I have sometimes reached orgasm just watching them. When they come off in the pool, you can see their semen shooting through the water like little puffs of smoke. If Max just touches my nipples when we are watching this, I come off at once. I recommend any man who wants to improve his sexual performance to go and have a look at some great information on how to last longer in bed so that he can really pleasure his partner during sex.
"Recently Max and I have decided we mustn't make love in the pool as often as we have been doing: he has experienced an episode of delayed ejaculation - we found out about curing delayed ejaculation here - and we've begun to find that we are not having such intense orgasms when we make love in the house as we used to, and we think it's because it is always so exciting in the pool that we are coming to rely on it too much. Besides which, we are getting older, and sex after fifty isn't as easy as it used to be!"
Videos on delayed ejaculation
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